to say nothing of the dog by connie willis

If, by my return, you have not ordained Kevin Keegan as the Messiah, cried in the press box (yes, another Caulkin classic) and reported on a match while topless and with “NUFC” tattooed across your beer belly, then you’ll never make it in this industry, Jacob.īut you must not remain confined to that leafy suburb, Jacob. That being said, some stereotypes can be adopted. And what expectations can supporters of a club with a 54-year (and counting) trophy drought really have? Excitement, and most importantly hope, may be back, but you must not fall into the trap of conflating supporters’ dreams with supposedly inflated expectations. The only expectation Newcastle fans had under Mike Ashley was that if something could go wrong, it would go wrong. Then there is the “expectation” cliche, which we keep telling you is bollocks, quite frankly. You’ll be failing at the fundamentals if you do not whinge about this to our editors. You know that Manchester United are not “United” and should only ever be referred to by their full name.

Howay, bonny lad - take note…Īlthough George, Taylor Payne, the host of our Pod on the Tyne podcast, and Ollie Bellwood, its producer, have spent months trying to teach you the various meanings of the word “canny”, that coats are usually unnecessary (unless you own a designer jacket that heats itself cough CAULKIN! cough) and why fatalism has become part of Newcastle fans’ psyche, there’s still so much more to learn. Ned Henry is one of these time travelers and she’s running him into the ground, having him determine what happened to the Bishop’s Bird Stump (it’s lost and she wants to know when it disappeared or was destroyed).The job of reporting on Newcastle is a pleasure and a privilege - the Caulkin element aside - but it does conjure a unique set of challenges.īefore departing, I want to pass on some survival tips to Jacob. She begins recruiting time travelers to travel to various different times to see how Coventry Cathedral looked and to note all the details about it so she can have it just right. Lady Schrapnell, who is disgustingly wealthy, has determined that she will rebuild Coventry Cathedral in the exact location and she wants it as accurate as possible. Coventry Cathedral was hit by Nazi bombs in WWII and eventually torn down and turned into a shopping mall when it couldn’t support itself by tourism any longer.

A lady named Lady Schrapnell has gotten her hands on the extensive set of diaries kept by her great-great-great-great grandmother who talked about how she went to Coventry Cathedral, saw the “bishop’s bird stump” (a horrendous Victorian vase ornamented with the most hideous of carvings) and had her life changed.

To say nothing of the dog by connie willis